And this is my story

 

A year ago, I decided to create my own blogging site. I knew I wanted to share my experiences with others. I knew I wanted to share my ideas and perspectives with the world. I wanted to connect with the world through my writing. I hoped to find others who had gone through similar experiences. I wanted to let folks know they weren't alone. Pain can make even the best of us believe we are alone; it certainly made me feel that way.

Hence additional to my journals, I started writing articles for my site. However, I could never trust that my articles were excellent enough for publication. They weren't very good in my opinion. I could see that my vocabulary was limited and still is. I could see how bad my writing skills were. In a world full of talented writers and bloggers, my writings did not appear to cut it. To be honest, I rejected my own writings even before anyone else got a chance to read. Naturally, my articles remained on my laptop unread by anyone but me.

Reading took most of the time while I had stopped writing. I had grown to enjoy reading so much that when asked what I would do on weekends, I had no other answer but reading. Recently I read a book called “The pathless path” by Paul Millerd. The author talks about his life journey. He points out how natural it is to be anxious and scared on the path of being authentic. Reading about his experiences reminded me that, despite appearances, I am not alone in feeling insecure. He has already accomplished what I hoped to do with my articles.

Although His words gave me the motivation I needed to start my blog, I don't want to present the wrong picture here. It's not like I read his book and my insecurities vanished. The book is one of the great works; it inspired me and many more, but there was a lot of inner work that I performed in the last couple of years, which all put together allowed me see beyond my self-doubts.

Every single day for the last 845 days, I practiced self-awareness. And I have to tell you that it is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I practiced analyzing my emotions, which helped me realize why I was experiencing self-doubt. It is difficult to see the agony one has endured and then continue to experience it as a coping technique. Today, I know that, as terrible as it is, mending improves with time and practice.

Today I am truly happy to have made a choice to be on the path of being authentic. Throughout this adventure, I realized how much I enjoy the process of writing. Looking objectively at my thoughts and emotions and then putting them into words, rereading the manuscript, reading it aloud, and making modifications as appropriate motivates me to write more and better each time. I may not be very skilled at writing yet, but I am learning. I'm letting go of the need to be flawless and instead focusing on being proud of myself for starting. This is something I'm doing for me, so there's no space for judgment.

Today I am my own cheer leader, and this is my story.