Beginning!!!
I enrolled in next 5 mins, feeling super excited. This would be my first ever cycling expedition. It gave me chill to think about an unknown, unfamiliar adventure I was to embark upon. I was confident about my fitness since I have been working out for months now. I said to myself you will do it like it is nothing. I was wrong.
Just a night before I am supposed to leave for expedition, I called my younger brother and told him that I don’t want to go. He knows me and he knows that I get overwhelmed with new things and being among new people. He assured me that it is going to be fine, and I will have a great experience. He was right as always.
My co riders including the organizers who all I have met for very first time were super cool. Helping and motivating each other came very naturally to them. I had a great time on the trip, and it would have not been possible without these people. I got to know that they all have been cycling for a long time and keep going on expeditions as such. They were looking forward to start cycling the next day and couldn’t hide their enthusiasm. It was wonderful feeling to see them so excited, their faces glowing up talking about it all. I witnessed their passion for Cycling. It was nothing less than a sheer joy to see people doing what they love.
As far as it goes for me, knowing how experienced cyclist they all are, I got super nervous. I told myself that I wouldn’t burden myself to be as good as others. I was here to have fun and I will have fun. I was proud of myself for being brave enough to try something new and that was enough for me.
I wish to put the beauty of forest land where we cycled, the scenic routes, breathtaking views we witnessed on the way. I wish I could write about all of it, but I can’t, not yet. My skills at writing and very limited vocab do not do justice to the heaven I have been to.
However, the experience gave me the most needed awakening and that I can put into words.
It was second day of the expedition. We were to cover around 65Km for that day. On the halfway, Post Lunch, there was a long uphill, and I felt I didn’t have it in me to push myself to cycle anymore. I was not happy but I was going to cycle anyway. I was not ready to stop just yet. Although, I told my co rider who was cycling next to me that I don’t think I am enjoying this anymore. Very quickly I concluded I am not having fun and cycling isn’t for me.
My co rider, sweetest person I have met, listened to everything I had to say. She was tired herself, yet she did her best to keep me motivated. I must be very lucky person to meet such kind and loving human souls. Had it not been for her, I doubt I would have had so much fun and hell of a memorable time.
Coming back to the day, soon after I was so vocal about not enjoying cycling anymore, there came a downhill about 3 4kms and I was happy again. I would have not wanted to be anywhere but here cycling on this road.
It became very clear to me in the moment that I expected the expedition to be fun every moment and well within my comfort zone. I admit that I wasn’t prepared to cycle on challenging roads for 4 days in a row however I realised how easily I discarded the whole experience because it got uncomfortable for a sec. It was one of those moments when you have epiphany, and you see everything clearly. I realized I have had the same attitude towards the life. It is only on the expedition, it hit me that I never fully accepted life for what it is. For every unwanted experience, I made an enemy out of life. Sometimes, even worse, something is wrong with me to not have the life I want.
It was a painful realization, and it is even more painful to have lived a life like this.
I understand life gets tough. And I must say that I am very privileged and blessed to have everything one could ask for. I cannot even imagine the sufferings world has.
I can only speak for me, and I say, I am not disheartened. If I had a believe withholding me back, I may have adopted it as a comping mechanism. I have no grudges against me or either life anymore. If anything, I am happy because with this new awareness, I have a chance to live a life with grace and acceptance.
People told me once you complete the expedition, you will feel proud looking back at what you achieved and how you didn’t give up when it got tough. What they failed to understand is that I do not lack a sense of achievement that I would embody by doing anything or let’s say this expedition in this case. But the awakening I had was very much needed. I believe it is just the beginning of great life I am to have. I am not going to be in resistance to life itself. I also wish to embrace everything that comes as the consequences of choices I make.
Unwanted experiences need not mean that life is out there to get me.
I am hopeful of the positive change in my believes and I could not ask for more from a wonderful cycling expedition I decided to go for.
o
Comments
Post a Comment